Scared and Exposed

I have opened up and let you in. with no cost to me

because you don't know who I am.

My souls done the writing,

now my head is trying to take over

and the protective robot inside

is fighting to come out.

You know my struggles, you know my fears.

Let's go deep in my roots

and back to the beginning of me.

I never got to know my dad.

I hate that I'm shy, and I worry too much.

I love getting lost in books, and sometimes my favorite day of the week is Tuesday.

I cry too much, but my mom says I'm just tender hearted.

I've been told I have long eye lashes.

I wish I could fly

I listen to sad music because sometimes I want to feel sad.

I doubt myself,

and I want to live forever.

So who am I you ask?

I'm just an ordinary human

trying to be extraordinary.

Sincerely Toni Hoover

Notes to people who will never read them

To the girl whose outfits inspired my style.

To the boy at Thai Village for being awkward like me.

To all the writers who let me get lost in your writing.

For the girl who complemented my hair when I was feeling Not so good about myself.

To the driver who let me in.

To the boy who liked me in 1st grade.

For the teacher who showed me wicked.

For the bus driver who held the bus for me.

To the inventers who let us have amazing technology.

For the Michael Jackson Fans for being crazy like me.

For the person who invented doughnuts (because they taste amazing)

To the dog, that would protect me not matter what.

To the friend who is now my enemy, for letting me finally spread my wings.

                For the teacher who dares us to take chances and live our life's .

To swear words for being the perfect words to say.

To pens for Being permanent .

For the world for letting us make mistakes.

                For those of you reading this and for those of you not. 

This is to all of you. 

Bird with out wings

 
as the light slowly faded and the dark night
engulfed the land, i sit here, hand in chin, wondering,
confused, deep in thought about what it was and what might be;

as the trees swayed to the gentle lullaby of the night,
sleep was the last thing on my mind,
restless mind and sombre thoughts manifest inside me;

my life has always been a dream,
a never ending chase,
often taking me to hell and back,
a dream that at times seem like a nightmare;

as i sit here and count the scars,
these tortured thoughts scream louder and louder in my mind,
a mind filled with dreams is now just filled with chaos,
maybe out of chaos comes order?

maybe one day? but time is my enemy,
i stand at the edge and wonder, as i look down,
wishing that something could happen,
i feel like a bird without wings!

                           By praveen kumar

We are all afraid.

I'm afraid.

I'm afraid just like all the rest of you. 

Those of you who are willing to share your fears are trying to overcome them. 

There are so many things to fear in this world. Some fears can be overcome easily, while some take time and some you may never overcome. 

Can we really have no fears?

In our life time we are only exposed to half of the worlds fears. There are fears that we wouldn’t even consider fears that others do.

            So I’m going to open my door of fears and let and in and walk around.

I'm afraid of snakes, I'm afraid of raising my hand in math class. I’m afraid of traffic. I'm afraid of disappointment, I'm afraid of death. I'm afraid of lighting (I think it looks amazing I just have to be protected). I'm afraid that I won't live my life, and that I won’t have cool stories to tell my kids. Isn’t that all life is. Just stories..... I have dealt with loss in my life so I tend to attach to those are close to me in fear of losing them.

I’m afraid of these blog post and what and how I write them. I’m scared this class ending and that life will move on. I’m scared of change. I’m afraid of you, I’m afraid of me.  I’m afraid of growing up. We all need to have a Peter Pan state of mind and be young forever. I am scared of life. I’m afraid of you and what you are thinking right now reading this. I AM AFRAID.

Shout it out to the world I AM AFRAID! Don’t be afraid to say it out loud. Because I bet more people than you think would shout the same thing. We could all fear the same things. But wait we are all afraid. 

Drives

We have the music blasting, Top down.

While our hair is exploring the fresh free air.

Just the 2 of us, on a warm summer night. Sing at the top of our lungs! In that moment we feel time stop, to soak in this moment and this feeling. Because this feeling you don’t want to miss because its happiness. Where are we going? We don't know. Just as long as we are together. Our skin is soaking up the sun as we are driving through our home town seeing all the kids and there lemonade stands brings us back to our child hood.  

365

365 days is how much time you have to live.

Reality sets in.

You are panicked, what signature will you be leaving in this world. What will you be remembered by? Will you even be remembered?

These thoughts exhaust your mind.

You have 365 days to wake up and start living.

Is that what it takes for us to start living?

Hey did we not realize that every day you get closer to death.

So why not start now.

Live every day like it’s your last.

We never know when we are going to kick the bucket.

When you are old, wrinkly, and 90 do you want to have a cool story to tell?

You have 240 days to wake up and start living.

Relate it to senior year. We have been going to school for 12 years.

We are almost done.

Things become bitter sweet, last dances, last assemblies, last football games, everything is the last. Most of us will live it up; while others just are so done they don’t even care.

We got one shot at this life. Make yours unique.

You have 120 days to wake up and live.

Your time is dwindling away like an hour glass.

You’re trying to accomplish that bucket list.

Doing everything and anything you can think of.

Cause right now is when you start to worrying about missing out.

You have 1 day to wake up and start living.

Last day. The day of good byes, the day of confessions and the day of I’m sorry.

Last time using the emotions and senses of the human body.

Stop and take it all in. Feel the oxygen entering your lungs.

Take a look at the past 365 days and do you wish you had more time?

There never seems to be enough time.

New family

He's hanging around like a fly.

 Next thing you know i'm calling him dad. 

We try to clasp on to what we used to have,

but its slipping through our fingers like sand. 

He's trying to tell me what to do and i blur out his voice.

Now we are a family of 5 when it used to be 3.

I just want to make it stop

Death has taken away 2 of the closest people to me.

I get so angry sometimes at the one I lost. 

Thinking how could you leave me! WHY?!?

Missing out on so much. Their just gone, never able to make memories with them.

Only hearing the stories and watching videos is how you get to know them....  It’s not enough!

It’s all because of death.

It all happened to soon! I just want to go back in time and stop everything. Just to be with them and hug them.

I just want to make is STOP!

I just want to make it stop.....

But time slips away and life moves on and you will never be the same, always left with a hole.

Sitting here with my emotions raw, and being drained.

All I have left to say is that this life can be a real BITCH! But choose to stay and fight! You can do incredible things, you matter.

Choose to experience life

Choose to Be Happy

CHOOSE TO LIVE!